Nasir's English Journal

Have a go at assessing your last Controlled Assessment against the AQA criteria

Today, I rode by
Leaves dropping near trees
In the afternoon
When wind whirled them to the sky,
Thickly, silently,
Fell, like snowflakes wiping out noon;
And wandered thence
For thinking of multitude
All withering lay,
Slain by no wind of age
But their beauty strewed
Snowflakes on the Flemish clay.

Futility in 2nd person

Move you into the sun –
gently my touch woke you once,
At home, whispering of fields half-sown.
Always it woke you , even in France,
Until this morning and this snow.
If anything might rouse you
The kind old sun will know.

Think how it wakes the seeds –
Woke once the clays of a cold star.
Are limbs, so dear achieved, are sides
Full nerved, still warm, too hard to stir?
Was it for this the clay grew tall?
– O what made fatuous sunbeams toil
To break Earth’s sleep at all? sun –
gently my touch woke you once,
At home, whispering of fields half-sown.
Always it woke you , even in France,
Until this morning and this snow.
If anything might rouse you
The kind old sun will know.

Think how it wakes the seeds –
Woke once the clays of a cold star.
Are limbs, so dear achieved, are sides
Full nerved, still warm, too hard to stir?
Was it for this the clay grew tall?
– O what made fatuous sunbeams toil
To break Earth’s sleep at all?

Comment:

You demonstrate a good understanding of many of the ideas behind your point that speaking and text communication are creative language forms. You have a tone in your essay that explores the ideas thoughtfully and cleverly explains the more complicated aspects by putting them into practical contexts.

To develop your work further:

• There is a glaring omission in this essay – and that is the lack of specific examples. You must use quotations every time you describe a language device or effect. Every paragraph must contain at least one example.
• Once you’ve given examples, you’ll then be able to expand your answer by explaining the devices present in these quotes and naming the devices present and their effect.

Annotated Original Script:

Hello and welcome to your personal online journal.

This platform has been created to enhance and enrich your learning at the London Nautical School. Its purpose is to provide you with an audience for your work (or work-in-progress) and you have the choice (by altering the ‘visibility’ of your posts) of whether your work on here is visible to the world, or only to your teacher.

Anything you post here in the public domain represents you and thus it’s important that you take care with that decision, but don’t be afraid to publish your work – as the feedback you may get from people at home, your peers and people from around the internet is only likely to enhance it.

Remember you can always access your class blog and all manner of resources through the Edutronic.net main website – and by all means check out the sites of your peers to see what they’re getting up to as well.

If you have any questions for me, an excellent way to get an answer is to create a new private post on this journal. I am notified of any new posts and will reply swiftly to any queries.

Make the most of, and enjoy this new freedom in your English learning.

Righto!

Mr Waugh